kelly_chambliss

July 7, 2000

I didn't actually get to write anything yesterday because Rosa's cousins are visiting and her mom took us all to the city pool. It was really crowded but fun, and when I got home I was too tired to write.

This is my observation of my conversation with Miranda that I had last winter.

Me: "Hi, Miranda."

Miranda: "Miss Edwards." (She always calls me that. I asked Dad if I was supposed to call her Miss Robinson, but he said she would probably tell me if she wanted me to.)

Me: "Have you been to the shops?" (That's what British people call going shopping. I like to say it. I say all sorts of English stuff that I learned from Stephen and Miranda. I used to try to make my Rs sound all roll-y like Miranda's too, but after Pop and Rosa both started laughing, I stopped. )

Miranda: "I have."

Me: "Can I ask you a question?"

Miranda: "I believe you already have. But yes, you may." (When I write her words down, they sound a little irritated, but she wasn't. She and Stephen both talk like that. "A dry, sly wit," Pop calls it. I think it's a British thing. The "you may" part was to correct my grammer.)

Me: "Did you use to be a teacher?"

Miranda: "Why do you ask?"

Me: "Just wondering. Because you seem like one."

Miranda: "Do I? Well, yes, I was. But I am retired now."

Me: "Do you miss it?"

Miranda: "Sometimes, a great deal."

Her voice sounded a little sad when she said this, which made me feel sad, too, even though I think it would be fun to be retired and just be like on summer vacation all the time. (Dad's Uncle Ross says it is boring, though.) Then I asked Miranda what did she teach and she said "I suppose you'd call it a type of science."

I know I should be more interested in science, but I'm not. I hope it wasn't rude not to ask her more about it, but I didn't. Instead I asked her was it boring being retired, and she said not at all. She said she has "much to occupy her time" like doing research in her field and writing about it.

Pop does research in his field, and he loves it. But his field is fun -- he watches alot of old movies and TV shows and lets me watch with him. I hate to say it, but Miranda's research sounds kind of dull. It's experiments and historical stuff in old books.

I think Stephen must do research too, even if he doesn't have a computer. He certainly reads alot, him and Miranda both do, in fact. You can see them sometimes through their living room window at night, sitting in armchairs and reading. They don't even have a TV. But they always have a fire in their fireplace, well, not in summer, of course.

Me: "What do you like to read?"

Miranda: "Lately I read about your culture. I have a great deal to learn."

I think she meant American history and things like that. I was going to ask more but by then we were at her house, and she said, "Good afternoon, Miss Edwards," and went inside, and that was that.

When I think back about it now, I'm mad at myself for asking such stupid questions instead of just asking straight out was she married to Stephen.

At dinner I told Dad and Pop the things Miranda said, and Pop said the British school system must pay her a really good pension if it can support both her and Stephen. Either that, or old Mrs. Prince really left them a lot of money. Because Stephen doesn't have a job, and he is not old enough to be retired.

He spends alot of his time in his garden, even in the winter. He grows lots of herbs and plants, but not any vegetables or anything, which I thought was weird until I asked him and he said he uses his plants for scientific experiments, not for eating.

I had a conversation with him about it once. He was in the garden and Miranda was reading in a chair near him, so I went over to talk to them.

Miranda's book was really old and had strange symbols in it, like another language. She said it wouldn't interest me, so I said I would talk to Stephen instead. And Miranda said, "Yes, do; I'm sure he will enjoy it."

Stephen looked over at her when she said that, and she smiled at him, which was definitely an in-love kind of thing to do. But I have to say he didn't smile back, in fact he kind of scowled at her. But she didn't mind. She even laughed a little.

I was like, "Stephen, where are your vegetables?" and that's when he told me about the scientific experiments.

Me: "What kind of scientific experiments?"

Stephen: "Ones involving science."

Me: "Is your science the same as Miranda's kind of science?"

Stephen: "Most assuredly not. Mine is both a subtle science and an exact art. Miranda's, on the other hand, is imprecise, little more than legerdemain. . ." (I had to get Pop to spell that for me, it means "slight of hand.")

Miranda cleared her throat, but Stephen just went on ---- "a mere kimera" (forgot to ask how to spell that. Stephen and Miranda both use alot of words I don't know, I think that's another British thing).

Me: "Is Miranda's science an art, too?"

Stephen: "No." (Then he looked at Miranda and kind of smirked.) "Well, perhaps. Of a lesser sort."

Miranda: "Trying to bewitch Miss Edwards' mind, are you, Stephen? Ensnare her senses?"

Stephen laughed that weird way he does -- he just makes a sort of snerky sound. And I'm not really sure what Miranda meant, but it was something funny. She's usually the only one who makes Stephen laugh.

They were quiet for a minute and then I said, "Where do you do your experiments?"

Stephen: "In my cellar, which has the benefit of being a place into which people cannot wander uninvited."

Me: "Could I help you do them?" (Because sometimes he lets me dig holes for him or water things.)

Stephen: "If I ever decide that I would like my home blasted off its foundations, I will ask a 12-year-old to assist me in my experiments. Until then, no."

But he showed me some of the weeds he was digging, and I did help him pull those up, and Miranda sat there and read, and then we said goodbye and I went home.

Stephen also has a little greenhouse that is just big enough for two people to go in, and sometimes he'll tell you what some of the things are if you ask.

Next time I will write about the day Rosa got into trouble about the greenhouse. I could write it now, but it's almost time for dinner.

---///---

July 21, 2000

I have been busy and haven't been writing, but I am back now.

Here is the story of Rosa and the greenhouse.

One time, Stephen got really mad at us when Rosa went into the greenhouse without asking him. I told her about this interesting little dirt place inside the greenhouse with weird spiky things growing, and Rosa wanted to see them, so she went in.

Stephen came flying in after her and literally yanked her out by the arm. You could tell by his face that he was really, really angry, he was glaring and he kind of clenched his teeth together, and he said, "Miss Velez, if you ever, and I mean ever, enter that greenhouse again without my permission and my presence, you will never set further foot upon my property. If you so much as touch the door without asking, I assure you, I will know, and you will be sorry."

His voice was really quiet and scary, alot scarier than yelling. It was scarier than the time I heard Miranda shout at the Bierman boys for chasing a little gray and black cat. The cat ran in her bushes and then she just came out of nowhere and yelled at the Biermans. She'd been mad that time, but Stephen -- he was really furious. Rosa started crying and Miranda had to come out.

She put her hand on Stephen's arm (she touched him!) and he calmed down, and then she took Rosa and me into the kitchen and gave us ginger cookies and said Stephen just wanted to make sure we didn't get hurt, we had to be careful because some of his plants were poisonous and that's why he usually kept the greenhouse locked (although I have looked at it many times, and I have never seen a lock). She also said that many of the things he grew were rare and could easily be disturbed by temperature changes and stuff.

Rosa was afraid of Stephen for a while after that, but she got over it. She got over it so much that in the spring, when we still didn't know if they were married or what their "relationship" was, Rosa decided to be Brenda Starr, Girl Reporter, and just ask.

Here is what happened.

Around Easter time, we saw Stephen digging in one of the beds of strange plants, so we went over to his backyard through the gate in the back of the fence. I am pretty sure he saw us come in, but maybe I was wrong, because he didn't seem to hear us at first.

Here is my observation of our conversation with Stephen.

Me: "Hi, Stephen."

Stephen: ------ (that means he didn't say anything)

Me: "What are you doing?"

Stephen: ------

Me: "STEPHEN! What are you doing?"

Stephen: "As a rule, if someone doesn't respond to your interrogations, it means that they are too busy speak to you."

Rosa: "You're speaking to us now."

Stephen: "Unfortunately."

Me: "Do you really want us to go? We will if you do. Dad says not to bother you too much."

Stephen: "Not too much? That is very kind of your 'dad,' I'm sure." (He put those quotes around the word "dad" with his voice, honestly, you could hear them.) Then he sighed and said, "You may stay -- for a time -- if you agree to keep the conversation to a minimum."

Me & Rosa: "We agree." (We were totally quiet for a while, and then he told us what a couple of the plants were and what he was doing to them.)

Then Rosa was like, "Stephen. Is Miranda your mother?"

Stephen put down his gardening thingy and sat back on his heels and just looked at us. Rosa started getting really nervous. Stephen let his eyes go all narrow and slitty (I'm not doing the "tyranny of the iris" here, I'm just saying how he looked) and he said, real quiet,

Stephen: "No, Miranda is not my mother. Miranda is my minder. I have recently been released from a hospital for the criminally insane, and Miranda is here to oversee my reintegration into normal society. But I assure you, she chains me to the wall at night, so you can all sleep safely."

I thought he was probably joking, but Rosa's eyes were huge (not the iris thing, just a description) and she whispered, "What was your criminally insane crime?"

But he said we were better off not knowing and went into his house.

We told Pop and Dad all about it, and Pop laughed and laughed. They both said it was obviously a joke, but Dad said it was just as obvious that we were bothering Stephen and that we should leave him alone for a while. Rosa didn't mind; she said she doesn't think she wants to visit Stephen and Miranda any more anyway.

When I was clearing the table after dinner that night, I heard Pop out in the kitchen say to Dad that he didn't know about the chains on the wall, but he had no trouble picturing Miranda trussing Stephen up. (I'm sure that has something to do with sex, because Pop thinks they are in love just like I do.) Dad still doesn't, though, and he just laughed and snapped the dishtowel at Pop.

But I still don't know what Stephen and Miranda's "relationship" is. I'm 100% sure that Miranda is not Stephen's minder and 99% sure she is not his mother. I will just have to observe some more. Maybe I will see if Miranda will let me go to the shops with her and if she and Stephen kiss each other goodbye when she leaves. Pop and Dad always kiss each other goodbye when they go somewhere.

Next week we are going on our trip to visit Granddaddy. Miranda and Stephen are going to look after Benny (he is our cat).

---///---

August 23, 2000

The following stuff is very serious. Very serious. I mean it, THIS IS NO JOKE.

It is about Stephen and Miranda. They have always been a mystery, but today I saw something that makes me think they are aliens. Or spies. I am writing this down in case anything happens to me, because right now I am home alone and Dr. Reese is out of town and Rosa and her family are who knows where, because no one answered when I called. So I am here all alone. Something could happen to me, the aliens could get me, or anything. I hope you find this if I disappear.

Here is what happened.

I was in my room this afternoon and I have the window open because I don't like air conditioning, it
makes my head stuffy. From my window, I can see over the fence into Stephen and Miranda's yard. But I wasn't looking in their yard at all, I haven't even seen them for two days. I was just laying on my bed reading when I heard Stephen yell from next door:

"Fuck me with the giant squid!"

(I am not using the F-word myself, I am just reporting what I observed. That is what Stephen yelled, and I have to write down everything just the way it happened for the sake of history, because I think they really are spies or aliens, and people have a right to know the truth.)

So of course when I heard him, I went and looked out the window. And there was Stephen half-in and half-out of the greenhouse, and he was pulling at these green vines that were crawling all over him.

He was saying, "fuck it, fuck it," and then he shouted, "MIRANDA!!! COME OUT HERE!"

She came down the back steps and when she saw him all covered in vines and tearing at them and saying "fuck it" and "MIRANDA!" she burst out laughing.

Stephen got madder and yelled, "Damn it, Minerva, don't just stand there howling like bumble door at his dottiest. Take care of this!"

(It really did sound like he said "Minerva" and not "Miranda," but I could be wrong. But I am not wrong about the rest of it or about what happened next. I don't know what "bumble door" is, but that's what he said.)

By this time the vines were getting to his head, and it looked kind of scary. Miranda stopped laughing and took a long brown stick out of her pocket and waved it, and flames shot out of the end. Real flames. As in fire.

She brought the stick close to Stephen and I thought she was going to set him on fire, but as soon as she got near him, the vines started backing off and twisting away and slithering back into the greenhouse, and they looked almost like snakes, they really did.

As soon as they were off his body, Stephen took the stick of flames from Miranda's hand and followed the vines into the greenhouse. Miranda stood at the door and looked in, and eventually Stephen came out and gave her the stick back. There were no more flames coming out of it.

Then he pointed his finger at her and scowled and said, "Not a word. Not so much as a smile."

Miranda acted real innocent and turned her hands up like she was saying, "who, me?" But when he turned away, I could see that she was having a hard time not laughing.

Then -- and I am not kidding, this is NOT A JOKE -- she waved the stick again and said (I am not sure about the exact words) "Ask O whiskey" and a bottle of whiskey came floating out of the house straight into her hand!

Then she waved the stick again and two glasses appeared OUT OF THIN AIR.

Stephen said, "It's three o'clock in the afternoon."

Miranda said, "No matter. The sun is over the yardarm somewhere in the world, and if you're going to let devil's snare get the better of you and then shout 'fuck it' loudly enough to bring half the neighborhood running, I think you need a drink."

Stephen scowled even more. "I don't see a single denizen of the neighborhood, not even the ubiquitous child from next door."

I ducked back behind the curtain when he said this. When I looked out again, there were two lawn chairs next to the tree WHERE THERE HAD BEEN NO CHAIRS JUST THREE SECONDS BEFORE, and Stephen said, "If we're going to start getting pissed this early, we might as well be comfortable." (I think "get pissed" means "get drunk" in British.)

Now here is another important and weird thing: usually Stephen wears a long-sleeved shirt with a high collar no matter how hot it is. But it is really hot outside today, and Stephen was wearing a black T shirt with short sleeves and just a regular neck, which I didn't notice before because he was covered in vines.

And -- there are huge, ugly, thick scars all over the side of his neck and the top of his shoulder.

I think they are alien markings. Either that or he has a simbiant (sp?) inside of him. Either way, there is something really strange going on.

But now while I was watching, Stephen and Miranda were just acting normal. They sat down and clinked their glasses together, and Stephen gave Miranda this huge smile (which I have hardly ever seen him do before, his usual smiles are just little smirks, and now I am sure he is an extratrestrial because when Mr. Spock from Star Trek smiles like that, it means he had been taken over by alien spores or something. My pop has a lot of Star Trek videos that we watch, in case you are the FBI reading this and wonder how I know.)

So Stephen smiled at Miranda and said "thank you" and she smiled back. (This does not necessarily mean they are in love, but it is another clue, but that is not as important now as them being aliens or spies.)

So I came over to my desk to write all this down -- and it is true facts, every word of it. I looked out the window just now, and they have gone into the house, but the chairs are still there.

On to Part 3